Over the past few years, as many of my friends have gotten pregnant and had their own families, I’ve gotten to witness a wide variety of reactions to the changes that happen to a pregnant woman’s body. Some women embrace their new curves and flaunt them with fitted maternity clothes. These are the same women who eagerly take photos of their growing belly every week. Some avoid wearing maternity clothes until the last minute, wincing at their growing reflection in the mirror. You’ll be lucky to see their baby belly in their profile picture. Some hardly think twice about what they look like, and welcome the chance to stop calorie counting and worrying about their jean size for nine months.

Personally, I loved everything about my pregnant body. Part of this was because I was so excited to become a mother. Part of it was because of the attention that came along with pregnancy. And part of it was because I thought the maternity clothes were so cute (not anything like the frocks and panel jeans of the 80s!). I also loved the way my big belly drew the attention away from my other “problem areas.”

In general, even though we experience different levels of acceptance of our own pregnant bodies, the vast majority of people look at pregnant women in awe and see beauty. There is something so captivating about a pregnant woman. Perhaps it is the wonder of carrying life or the fact that we rarely see women in those final months. I attended a small concert with friends just a few weeks before I was due, and many of them could not help but stare at my belly. They had never seen a women so pregnant before. I can’t blame them, neither had I! I also stared in the mirror every morning, completely blown away that my skin had been able to stretch that far.

Did you feel beautiful when you are pregnant or do you struggle with your body image?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if a woman was pregnant and had to go to jail for a long time? I would hope none of my readers would ever face such a situation, but it does happen. Unfortunately, most stories do not have good endings. As I poured through dozens of accounts of incarcerated women and their pregnancies, I realized that childbirth is not a time of joy and excitement for many imprisoned women, instead, the experience is tainted with fear and the dread of leaving their babies, possibly forever.

In 1994, the Bureau of Justice Statistics reported that 3% of women in federal prisons were pregnant at the time of admittance. I couldn’t find any more recent data on the number of pregnant women in prison, but I did find that the numbers of women being imprisoned has risen considerably since that report, so it can only be assumed that the number of pregnant women in prison has risen as well.

Women with healthy pregnancies are cared for by prison health services, but those with high risk pregnancies are taken to an outside hospital by a prison guard. For many women, this trip to the outside world is humiliating, as they are often strip searched and shackled.

When it comes time to give birth, women are supposed to be taken to the hospital, but I read several stories of women whose cries were ignored and they ended up giving birth in their cells all alone. Those who gave birth in the hospital still faced the pain of spending only 24 hours with their baby before returning to jail. Some women have no one to care for their child in the outside world and lose their child to the foster care system. In some states, parental rights are terminated after two years and the women never see their child again.

Nine states have prison nursery programs, which allow imprisoned women to keep their newborns with them for a limited, set amount of time. Some states also run community based programs that allow women to serve their sentence and parent their child outside of the prison walls. More and more people are speaking up for these programs, since it is believed that allowing imprisoned women to raise their children in the controlled setting will help them turn their lives around and reduce the likelihood of recidivism. The bond they develop with their child will inspire them to work hard at providing a better life for their child and will motivate them to stay out of trouble in the future.

When my son was born, I packed the basics and didn’t think much beyond the toothpaste and underwear while throwing my hospital bag together. The next time around, however, I plan on going the extra mile by adding a little glamour. Anyone who has ever seen pictures of themselves after delivery knows how nice it would be to add a little sparkle to their tired face and the baggy hospital night gown, as well as the bland delivery room.

First of all, I’m putting my sister on beauty duty. It will be her job to make sure my lips are shiny and my face is glowing before the paparazzi enters the room. She will also be in charge of making sure my hair doesn’t look like the dog slept on it. And if my hospital gown threatens to fail at its job of covering me up, she will be there to prevent any wardrobe malfunctions. (Right, sis?)

Second, I am bringing something to wear after the delivery that will be a little more nursing friendly. I plan on buying something colorful, comfortable, and accessible. The hospital gown leaves you with no other option than dropping the whole front to nurse. Some women are comfortable with exposing the top half of their torso, but not everyone wants to give the whole staff a show every two hours, right?

I would also like to add a little extra flair to the celebration. I recently saw photos of a birth where the new mom made the cutest little favors to hand out to her guests. Each handmade box was beautifully decorated with her new daughters name. They also decorated champagne glasses for a toast. I like the idea of giving guests a little souvenir from their visit. I also think it would be fun to toast with a little sparkling cider with our friends and family.

I certainly don’t want to leave the nurses and the doctors out of the picture, either. Next time I would like to make a few baskets ahead of time, one for the doctor and one for the nurses. I would include cookies and other treats, as well as a thank you card for all their hard work and attentiveness.

Did you bring anything special to the delivery room?

In one of my favorite movies, Father of the Bride Part II, Diane Keaton and Kimberly Williams play a mother and daughter who conceive around the same time and give birth on the same day. Keaton’s character, Nina, suspects menopause, so it’s assumed that she must be in her fifties. In the US, giving birth beyond age 50 is fairly rare, but it happens more than it used to due to fertility treatments, which allow women of “advanced maternal age” to use the eggs of younger women. Pregnancy in the sixth decade is extremely risky. Surprisingly, risk increases significantly between the late forties and early fifties. Pregnant women who are fifty or older are typically hospitalized three times as often and give birth to babies with low birth weight twice as often, according to a study that was done back in 2006 in Israel. The average gestation age of babies born to older mothers is less than 37 weeks, compared to just over 38.

There are other risks for older mothers, besides those associated with pregnancy and delivery. I think if a women is planning a pregnancy in her fifties, she needs to look beyond the pregnancy. For example, will they need to change their retirement plans? Couples may need to delay retirement or increase their savings every month to account for the added expenses of having a child during retirement. They will also need to consider how they will provide medical insurance for the child if they do retire. Even though women are living longer these days, (the average life span of a women in the United States right now is around 80), she and her partner need to make plans for the child in the event of their death. A college fund or trust fund may be even more important for older parents to arrange, since they may not be around to help out when their child is in college or starting off their own life.

What do you think about the prospect of having a child after 50: would you consider it?

Related Articles:

Pregnancy After Age 35

Pregnancy After 40

Recent research conducted at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Harvard Medical Center revealed that stress during pregnancy increases the child’s risk for asthma. Stress in the mother triggers an immune response, evidenced in the cord blood collected at birth, possibly later heightening their response to inhaled antigens. It stands to reason, therefore, that reducing stress during pregnancy can only have a positive effect on both the baby and the mother.

Most of us immediately want to remove the source of the stress. Sometimes it is simple enough as hiring a babysitter for a few hours or telling someone to mind their own business. But often times, the source of the stress is much more complicated. That does not mean we cannot reduce or eliminate it, it just means we may have to change the way we approach it mentally, physically and emotionally.

If the situation that is causing you stress is beyond your control, embracing your lack of control is what may actually help you to stop worrying about it. First, look for a solution. Make a plan to eliminate the problem. Once you have done everything you can (even if that means nothing), resign yourself to make the best of the situation. For example, one of the sources of stress listed in the study was poverty. Let’s say you cannot pay all of your utilities. If you are unable to make more money and you can’t reduce your usage anymore, you have already called the company and explained your situation, then pay what you are able and refuse to think about it the rest of the time. Thinking about your lack of money will not make more money, nor will it pay your bill. I know this from experience. There is absolutely no benefit to dwelling on what you cannot fix. Focus on the day to day. Make a list of what you do have and enjoy in your life. Gratitude is proven to reduce stress.

Sometimes stress comes from a series of single incidents. They are not necessary things that can be undone or expected to happen again, but they stress us out anyway. A perfect example is a speeding ticket…. followed by leaving the dome light on and killing the battery…. followed by forgetting to let the dog out and finding poop on your new carpet. That kind of day would stress anyone out! It would be pretty difficult to find something that you can be grateful about in light of these incidents. Relief comes in the form of humor instead. If you can’t fix it and you can’t ignore it, at least you can laugh about it. Tragedies make the best comedies. Imagine your life is a sitcom and you are watching it from an objective viewpoint. You would probably laugh at your circumstances. Sometimes that’s all we can do!

When gratitude and laughter fail to alleviate your stress, a little therapy may be in order. I’m not talking about lying on a couch here, I’m talking about retail therapy, aromatherapy, and hydrotherapy. Shopping, sweet smelling candles and a warm bubble bath easily melt all kinds of everyday stresses.

What kinds of things do you do to reduce your stress?

Some myths just keep popping up when it comes to pregnancy. The most pervasive myths tend to be related to gender prediction and it’s not surprising: “girl or boy” is on every pregnant woman’s mind. Predictors include everything from suspending a pencil over the pregnant woman’s belly to which side of the bed she sleep on. These types of myths are easily debunked, but there are a few that seem plausible. One in particular is the correlation between morning sickness and gender. Does the presence or strength of morning sickness predict gender?

There are those that are quick to say yes, morning sickness is always stronger with a boy, or it lasts longer when you’re having a girl. It’s easy to find anecdotal “evidence” in pregnancy forums. Fifty percent of the time, everybody’s right. But in this case, when consistent accuracy is key, the multiple exceptions disprove the rule. There’s no need to do an official medical study since there are plenty of women who will quickly admit that their own pregnancies proved this to be a myth. Morning sickness is triggered by hormones, and it may vary from pregnancy to pregnancy, even if a woman gives birth to all girls or all boys. Personally I know women who had terrible morning sickness with one pregnancy, and no sickness with another, and the babies were the same gender!

The strength of morning sickness may not have anything to do with the gender of the baby, but it might signify a multiple pregnancy (though not always.) More babies does equal more hormones, which could intensify morning sickness. Of course, as with gender, the only way to confirm a multiple pregnancy is with an ultrasound – or birth. Because morning sickness is triggered by increasing hormones, it can also be the sign of a healthy pregnancy. For that reason, sometimes morning sickness is a welcome sign that things are going well, particularly early on. Fortunately for most women, morning sickness wears off after the first trimester.

Just for fun: did you experience morning sickness? Did you have a boy or a girl?

Over the past year I have picked up pointers and ideas from other moms about which baby accessories are essential and which ones are a waste of cash. I’ve also learned a thing or two from experience. One thing I cannot say enough about is the importance of a well packed diaper bag, something I knew nothing about when I was creating my registry. When you are first handed the registry scanner and you begin to puruse the aisles, it can be overwhelming at first. There are so many products to choose from. There are so many things that you may not even realize you need. There are so many you think you’ll need but never end up using. If I could go back and redo my registry, here are some things I would have included or skipped when it came to stocking up the diaper bag.

First of all, when it comes to the basic essentials, everything needs to be travel size. The diaper bags look huge to new moms, but they fill up fast. When you have an infant carrier in one arm and a diaper bag in the other, weight is something to seriously consider. Just because you can fit it in the diaper bag doesn’t mean you’ll want to. If you see something you like to use in travel size, add it to your registry.

Diapering:

When choosing a diaper bag, pick one that has a built in changing pad. The separate changing pads take up way to much valuable space in the main compartment of your diaper bag. Find a small compact wipes case and refill it as necessary. I made the mistake of thinking I would just carry a tub of wipes around. It’s not a bad idea to keep a tub in the car, but don’t try to pack it in the bag. Other things to add to your list: hand sanitizer, Wet Ones antibacterial wipes (for cleaning hands, tables,carts, etc.), diaper rash cream, a small tube of diaper baggies to clip on the bag (they hold dirty bibs, too), and a single washcloth (for catching stray pee streams). Skip the designer cups that you place over your baby boy’s privates – they won’t stay put.

First Aid:

It is a good idea to include small versions of everyday medicines like acetaminophen and even infant gas drops. You may also want a small thermometer (I like the pacifier style, myself) and a suction bulb. Stores sell all kind of first aid kits that are supposedly made for traveling, but they take up too much space, in my opinion. They also contain items that you might use once in a while at home, but not necessarily on a trip to Grandma’s house or the mall.

Toys:

There are tons of toys available that feature clips. You might think these will be perfect for the diaper bag, but most babies end up preferring to play with your grocery list anyway. Instead, include a teething ring and something else that makes noise. Sometimes a burp cloth will hold their attention longer than a toy.

Miscellaneous:

Pack one spare outfit (not something bulky), one or two bibs, and a burp cloth. For when your baby is a little older, a sippy cup and a snack container are essential. If you are bottle feeding, a bottle filled with water and a travel container for formula powder are perfect. Things to skip: restaurant placemats (you can use the antibacterial wipes ), shopping cart covers, and travel wipe warmers.

When it comes to your health, everything is connected. Your body is a system, and when one part is not well, symptoms show up throughout the rest of the body. When you’re pregnant, your baby’s health is affected as well, and that is why it is so important to do everything you can to stay healthy. That includes getting enough rest, eating a balanced diet, exercising and talking to a doctor when you think something might be wrong. Your teeth are no exception. In fact, your oral health is directly tied to your pregnancy. According to a study done at the University of Pennsylvania, women with untreated gum disease were more likely to give birth prematurely. Untreated gum disease also led to tooth decay in their children.

X-rays during pregnancy may be limited or restricted, but a routine cleaning and exam should not be skipped due to a pregnancy. Women are particularly susceptible to Gingivitis during pregnancy due to increased levels of progesterone. Gingivitis may cause your gums to bleed while you brush. An extra cleaning may be recommended by your dentist to prevent problems.

You can be proactive about your oral health by taking good care of your teeth and gums at home. Besides brushing twice a day, you should also avoid snacking too much throughout the day, especially on foods that are rich in carbohydrates or sugars. The best snack options are raw fruits and vegetables or dairy products like cheese and yogurt. If you do snack, it’s not a bad idea to brush afterward. Drinking water is always preferable to drinking soda. Chewing sugar-free gum has also been shown to be good for your mouth.

Do your mouth and your baby a favor: take good care of your teeth and gums! Floss, brush, rinse and visit your dentist!

On a recent trip to visit a friend in the hospital after she had her baby, I noticed that her room had a flat screen TV mounted on the wall. I had a TV in my hospital room, but it wasn’t that nice! I began to wonder what kind of accommodations might be available at the hospitals in larger, wealthier cities. As I started looking at different birthing centers and hospitals in cities like New York City, I realized my hunch was spot on. Some centers offer amenities like concierge service, leather couches, wooden floors, spa tubs and giant flat screen TVs. These extras are not usually covered by typical insurance policies, however, so they are usually reserved for those who can afford to pay out of pocket. The prices for these rooms are comparable to upscale hotels. It’s no wonder celebrities check into these facilities weeks before their due date.

Extras like leather couches and concierge service seem a little frivolous. I look back on my hospital experience and I just don’t think I would have had the chance to enjoy them. I was so focused on my new baby and recovery. If anyone would have benefited from luxury accommodations, it would have been my husband, who ended up driving back to our house nearby because he couldn’t sleep on the stiff hide-a-bed chair in my room. The one thing the hospital offered that my husband still talks about were the $1 cappuccinos from the hallway machine. I don’t think he would have blinked twice if a concierge walked into the room, unless he was delivering a couple of those cappuccinos.

If I could build my ideal mother & baby room at the hospital, I would include remote control blinds to darken the room without getting out of bed when I want to sleep, a laptop with wi-fi to e-mail my family pictures of the new baby, a comfortable extra bed so my husband can actually sleep in the room with me, and plenty of extra chairs for guests.

What would you put in your ideal hospital room?